Permission to Curate Granted

There’s a lot of unfriending happening on Facebook right now.

People are looking at what friends and family members are posting, what they’re celebrating, what they’re defending, and sometimes deciding:

I don’t want this in my space anymore.

And inevitably, someone warns:

“But you’re creating an echo chamber!”

“You shouldn’t only surround yourself with people who agree with you.”

“We have to be willing to listen to people with different perspectives.”

Because I work in social media, I have some thoughts about this.

And because I am a straight, white, cisgender person, I also think there are places in this conversation where people like me should probably stand down.

Particularly when LGBTQ+ people, people of color, immigrants, or members of other marginalized communities are making decisions about who feels safe to have in their personal spaces.

We don't get to decide for someone else what they should be willing to tolerate in the name of “hearing both sides.”

Your Facebook feed is a social space

Sometimes I think we forget what the words social media actually mean.

It’s social.

Your personal Facebook page isn't a town hall. It isn't a university debate club. It isn't a public hearing where every viewpoint is entitled to equal time.

For many of us, Facebook is more like a very large, very weird gathering of people we've met throughout our lives.

Family members are there.

High school friends are there.

People from churches we attended 20 years ago are there.

Former coworkers are there.

That person we met at a conference in 2014 whose last name we can never remember is there. 

And because it is a social space, I think we're allowed to make some decisions about who gets invited into it.

If I invited people to my house for dinner, I wouldn't be required to invite someone who regularly insulted the other guests just because they provided “a different perspective.”

I wouldn't tell a gay friend, “I know this person thinks your marriage shouldn't exist, but I think it's important that we hear a diversity of opinions over dessert.”

That's not intellectual diversity.

That's a really unpleasant dinner party.

Protecting your peace isn't the same as creating an echo chamber

There is a legitimate conversation to be had about echo chambers.

Algorithms tend to show us more of what we already like. We naturally gravitate toward people who see the world the way we do. And none of us benefits from believing that every reasonable, thoughtful person agrees with us about everything.

But there's an important distinction here:

You can expose yourself to different ideas without giving everyone personal access to you.

You can follow news organizations with different editorial perspectives.

You can follow scholars, writers, religious leaders, political commentators, organizations, and publications that challenge the way you think.

You can read books written by people you disagree with.

You can listen to podcasts that make you uncomfortable.

You can seek out thoughtful arguments against your own positions.

You can remain curious about the world.

None of that requires you to remain Facebook friends with your uncle's neighbor who keeps leaving cruel comments underneath pictures of your kids.

Following is not the same as friending.

Learning is not the same as granting access.

And boundaries are not the same as ignorance.

And NONE of us actually live on social media

(contrary to some opinions)

Social media is only one of the places where we encounter other human beings.

We have coworkers.

Neighbors.

Family members.

Churches.

Community organizations.

Schools.

Coffee shops.

Volunteer groups.

Book clubs.

Airports.

Charging our cars (I now have an electric vehicle, and people love to chat at charging stations).

We are constantly navigating a world filled with people who believe differently than we do.

You don't have to turn your personal Facebook feed into an ideological obstacle course to prove that you're open-minded.

Your feed can simply be a place where you enjoy seeing pictures of your friend's new puppy, someone's vacation photos, a meme that makes you laugh and approximately 47 pictures of children holding signs on the first day of school.

That's allowed.

Some disagreements are also more costly than others

This is where people like me need to be careful and step back.

It's fairly easy to lecture people about the importance of “hearing different perspectives” when the perspective being debated doesn't call your humanity, family, marriage, safety, or basic rights into question.

There is a difference between encountering an opinion you disagree with and repeatedly encountering messages that tell you something fundamental about who you are is wrong, dangerous, illegitimate, or undeserving of protection.

Sometimes the most faithful thing white, straight, cis people can contribute to that conversation is humility.

Maybe instead of saying, “Don't create an echo chamber,” we ask:

“What would make this space feel safer for you?”

Or maybe we don't say anything at all.

Maybe we trust people to know what they need.

So curate away!

Mute.

Unfollow.

Unfriend.

Block.

Keep people you love but disagree with.

Remove people you love but cannot interact with right now.

Change your mind later.

You don't owe anyone permanent access to your social media feed simply because you went to high school together in 1988.

And none of these choices have to be declarations that someone is irredeemable or that you will never speak to them again.

They're simply choices about this particular space.

I think we can hold two things at the same time:

We should remain curious enough to encounter ideas that challenge us.

And we should be allowed to create personal spaces where we feel safe, respected, and able to exhale.

Those aren't contradictions.

They're boundaries.

And boundaries can actually make it easier to remain engaged with the larger world because we're not spending all of our emotional energy fighting with people in the comments section.

So curate your feed.

Follow broadly if you want to understand perspectives beyond your own.

Friend selectively.

Block when you need to.

And remember that Facebook is a tool for connecting with the world.

It is not the whole world.

And thanks be to God for that!